Friday, December 22, 2006
for now all i really feel is HATRED.
HATRED towards me.
for being soo lousy in controlling myself.
for owing SOOO many things.
for delaying everything !!
for wanting things to come easy all the time !!
for not facing the music !!
for SO MANY MORE THINGS !!
this is so sick. i'm beginning to loathe myself, if that's allowed.
almost all my posts 'r so BANAL that i bore people till they stop reading my blog.
i'm so confused. do i want to be a nice person, or not ??
if i do, why 'm i stil so rude to my parents?? why must i always raise my voice when answering their simple questions ??
so i'm frustrated 'n annoyed of responding to multiple questions.
don't mean i have to be so contemptous of my parents, 'n stil be so supercilious about it !!
why do i have to owe MY BEST FRIEND the one thing that she really really needed so long ago 'n drag it for months !!??
why do i have to put her in a situation such that she probably feels reluctant to demand from me whatever i owe her 'n patiently listens while i say "ok.. i will.. BLAHBLAH BLAH..." !!??
why did i have to turn this issue into something that has refrained me from talking to her altogether ??
why did i have to ruin things ??
why 'm i so disinclined to even so much as look through my school things 'n at least CHECK what needs to be done before school opens ??
what do i want ??
"one who fails to improve oneself for 2 days in a row will eventually fail."
2:07 pm and hani went off; embarrassed .
ever feel a VERYvery sudden urge to cry without having at least one real reason why?
yet another FTX. who's gona ENQFDS BKK about me in no time HAhaha.
i seem to look forward to it.
one beautiful journey.
why do i bother to blog?
almost nobody ever understands.
IN FACT.
almost nobody ever reads !!
1:36 pm and hani went off; embarrassed .
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
SUNDAY NIGHT 10/12/2006
darn. didn't get to fully enjoy LSBang at scapepark.
on the way off to home.
few seconds before crossing the street.
this guy.. man.. guyman.. with dark-rimmed glasses 'n CAP which was white or so.. tapped on my shoulder 'n went:
"uhh excuse me...? ....
...uhh... ah... nevermind."
all the while his hand(s) making the kinda gesture you make when you say "never mind".
'n turned to walk away
with his friend-who's-a-girl/fiancee/wife/sister/aunt/grandmother.
he was possibly gona ask for directions or something.
'n changed his mind the moment he saw the strangely strange look on my strange face.
after all i was a stranger.
or maybe i wasn't?
maybe he thought he recognised me from somewhere?
or maybe he thought i was...... whatever.
ONE THING'S FOR SURE.
HE LOOKED SUPER DAMN FAMILIAR.
but shit this shit. i can't place him anywhere in my memory.
but it's ok. mayb i'm not meant to remember him from anywhere.
heck. maybe i'v never even met him before.
BUT I'M SO DAMN CURIOUS!
whatever.
deja vu is
creepy AND disappointing.
11:35 am and hani went off; embarrassed .
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
05/12/2006
the best birthday ever. FOR DADDEY.
"i waited for half a century for this." says b'DAy boy.
this being the 2 "fancy" prezzies we got him.
REVERSIBLE PIERRE CARDIN BELT
+
BLACK GOLDLION WALLET
not only that. daddey also got the following:
SON IN LAW
+
CPF
couldn't find a happier man on earth during that short 24-hour duration.
WE were ALL HAPPY. super damn happy. the happiest i'v ever been in the longest while.
DADDEY + MOTHER + SISTER & HUSBAND + SYAFIK + KAK HANI i.e. MEbrought back SO MANY MEMORIES.
might as well call it
MUCH INSTEAD OF
MANY!
laughed till
ALMOST REALLY cried.
SO HAPPY seeing father like that.
SO HAPPY seeing
ALL OF US like that.
we talked about how:
1. i used to sing english songs in my made-up language.
2. the more they conduct me, the more i would sing.
3. GIGANTIC + NECK-LESS i was.
4. i used to wear "eskimo" shoes inside the house.
how:
5. syafik used to be the nicest kid amongst us.
6. he would NEVER bawl at the slam of a door.
7. he used to sing along with nonsensical songs composed by Sister.
8. he used to be so sweet 'n well-behaved.
'N MORE.
so here i 'm.
looking forward to more of that.
four more words.
I, LOVE, MY and FAMILY.
10:12 pm and hani went off; embarrassed .
Friday, December 01, 2006
HORROR OF THE DAY
THE CONTENTS OF MY DISCOVERY HAS CAUSED MUCH DISTURBANCE IN ME.
I HAVE FOUND THAT I'V BEEN FATED TO NOT HAVE MRS. YONG FOR MANAGEMENT OF BUSINESS IN YEAR 2.
DEEP SADNESS + GRIEVE.
but
at least i don't get a+d+i+y+z for malay.
at least i don't get separated from TOO MANY people that i INITIALLY WISHED not to be separated from.
at least i think i'm able to handle most of the changes that's been made.
nevertheless
i hate changes.
'n i don't like having to socialise with any more new people.
though it seems like i have to now.
loouuke haow BROWN theee eyce 'RRRrr.
somewhere out there. a pair of leggings. waiting o so patiently. to be purchased by me.
11:03 pm and hani went off; embarrassed .
