Tuesday, September 29, 2009
READER, PLS NOTE:
to truly understand events, pls do read th previous (though lengthy) blog entry before coming to this. thank you! ((:
2ND/3RD/4TH DAY OF MONTH OF SHAWAL
mikio:
Sheila su got text you? They didn't text me. Tot they wld say Raya sorry etc.
stitch:
they didn't text me. i felt lik you feel too. i tergerak hati (had an impulse) & texted su. didn't tergerak hati ('have an impulse') to text sheil. of all th hari raya msg's i sent pp, th one to su was longest. so much for tht; malangnya (unfortunately) she didn't reply.
dlm hatiku: "aPA ni!" (in my heart: "whAT'S this!")
lol. hampa (disappointed), & unhappy.
stitch:
(..irrelevants..) ..so i sent th following..
"..sempena bulan syawal ini, ku disini ingin memberi ucapan, selamat hari raya aidilfitri.. & ku mengambil kesempatan ini utk memohon maaf zahir & juge batin ye.. ape2 kelakuan/kata2 ku yg menyinggung perasaan, yg menyusahkan, yg menimbulkan perasaan marah dsb. .. byk2 maaf dipinta..harap dimaafkan.. ibarat pepatah, buang yg keruh, ambillah yg jernih.. (:.. semoga sihat wal-afiat, senang2 & happy2 selalu...!
dgn penuh ikhlas,
hanisah."
th lack of reply; it's just too much. tnk minte maaf, ok uh, tkpe. tpi tk reply tu, tkde maafkan pe? Tuhan saje yg tau, dok, whtever's gg on here. lik i said; hampa, & unhappy.
("..in this month of Shawal, i'd like to wish you selamat hari raya aidilfitri.. & i tke this opportunity to apologise, for zahir as well as batin ya.. whtever actions/words of mine tht have offended feelings, have caused burden, or anger, et cetera.. many2 forgiveness i seek.. pls do pardon me.. like th saying, let go of 'the turbid', & embrace 'the clear'.. (:.. may you be healthy wal afiat, stay happy always...!
sincerely,
hanisah."
th lack of reply; it's just too much. don't wana (typically) ask for forgiveness, ok uh, nvm tht. but nv reply, nv forgive isit? only God knows, man, whtever's gg on here. lik i said; disappointed, & unhappy.)
stitch:
& i feel lik, wht's this!?
hv i been wrong to bother making th 1st move EVery time??????? klu ku ikutkan bisikan setan, ku dah start maki-ing around dah...haaahha! i mean, frust beb, frust!! toltak toltak?? (if i followed devils' whispers, i'd already've started cursing around, already...haaahha! i mean, frust, babe, frust!! correct correct??)
mikio:
HAHA. What a joke. Here you are tryin to make an effort and yet nothing. Hmmm. You think that's her no? Skali its like a prank to get us off her life.
stitch:
wallahu a'lam bi ssawab. (God knows what is right)
if tht were to be th case, i've got nothing to say.
it'll be super childish of her. mcm (like) suit her size uh konon. ^_^
but we don't kno wht's really th case. will we ever know? *shrugs*
but thn, at least, frm nw on, i cn look back & say, "i've tried" - as opposed to being filled w thoughts of "should have's".
kn? (right?)
tht's about th only +ve tht i cn desperately grab onto frm all this nonsens...
mikio:
We're too nice. We really should just heck care and move on. We're wishing hoping grasping to something that's not there. Sigh. But i still would like to know why su ignore totally. Like what's her problem.
stitch:
precisely luhh beb!! i cn so move on; but tht part, bout not knowing wht exactly's gg on over tht side, bout being in th dark, just about devastates me.
well, us, for tht matter.
& just whn i'd decided to let go of tht blog entry draft, nw it seems tht i'm just gona lengthen it a lil bit mor, lol.
& this time, i shall rEAlly publish then text her to go read it.
mikio:
HAHA. Text sheila too so she'll tell su, in case su no is a fake. Let the war begin. Keke. :)
stitch:
lol! war seh. lol. sighs...apeeee sudah jadi ye..(whaaaat has happened ya..) hmmm..we shall find out - INsya-Allah... (God willing...)
well..
i duno..
i don't know if th 'change of no.' truly was a prank.
if it was, thn congratulations, you fooled me big time. you must be really glad.
otherwise, you must really be so twisted; letting me know th change of no., yet ignoring my msg's, b'cos you wouldn't like me to contact you?
rather twisted, i'd call tht.
so i just had to let all these out, clear it out of my system.
'cos for some (probably absurd) reason, it has been bothering me.
mikio & me, both, as a matter of fact; as can be seen frm our conversations.
we wldn't've conversed 'bout it, if we weren't bothered by it.
so now tht it's all out; i'm truly just curious of wht pp hv to say 'bout all of this, if anything.
i'm all ears.
so let's hear it.
2:40 pm and hani went off; embarrassed .
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
people's names in th following 're according to th contacts in my mobile phone. -_-
MANY DAYS AGO
small:
Hi all :) im changin my number to ******** frm today. Thx, frm siti suhaila.
stitch:
coolcool! thankx for tha info ((:
hope you been well!
AFTER SOME TIME (or might've been days)
stitch:
Berhati-hati semua. Makcik keropok sudah tidak menjual keropok. Dia menjual kurma/kuih raya sempena bulan r'dan ini. Kuih/kurma nya semua sedap2 belaka. Kalau org ketok pintu - Jgn takot! Makcik itu sudah bertaubat kerana pontianak beliau sudah kena ikat! Haha.
Selamat menyambut bulan ramadhan..!
small:
...[non-existent message]
....are my msg's not worth replying..? even if not th latter, at least th first..? hmmmm.....
CONVERSATION FOLLOWING THE ABOVE
mikio:
She didn't reply you?
(..irrelevants..)
stitch:
she didn't reply me.
(..irrelevants..)
mikio:
(..irrelevants..) I saw su bro in school tadi (just now).
stitch:
oh. hmm.
(..irrelevants..)
mikio:
(..irrelevants..)
stitch:
(..irrelevants..) i think most probly mine must've been th 1st sms she received on new no. i wonder why she didn't reply at all. haaa..mayb cos i sent a statement rather thn a qn. but she cld've simply said hope you been well yourself! & just end it ther. if she doesn't want an ongoing convo. but it seems she totally didn't wana converse? [& also probly doesn't exactly hope tht i've been well myself?]
hahha!
mikio:
If like that then might as wel dun need give her new no kn (right). Waste current only. Just when i thought got chance of reconciling. tsk tsk.
stitch:
high five!
tkpe2. kite chill. mane tau, die tgh ade (nvm2. we chill. who knows, she's having) intention to send somthing somtime somhow.. or somwht ke. hahha! insya-Allah (God willing) she'll send somthing.
lol. kite funny uhh.
mikio:
Ya. Why the world are we mengharapkn (hoping for) her text. When its been so long without her. But kn, do we really wan be friends wit her again?
stitch:
hahhaaa..well. for me, i just don't want it to be as though silaturahim ties 're broken. cos tht shldn't be allowed in th 1st place. 2ndly, i just want her to get it in her head, tht we hv nothing against her, we've no hard feelings; for me, i think it's not really to be friends w her again, cos i don't think it cld ever be th same, it feels it might be too much to ask for, but i think it's more of, don't want be enemies. cn you get my drift? i'm not asking for th +ve; i just wana tke away th -ve. somthing lik tht..?
mikio:
Yeah got it. Just that its stupid that it has to be this way. There wasn't even a legitimate reason. Just misunderstanding that went too far. You know, suddenly teringat (remembered), wonder if sheil still wit him. If not,this is even more not worth it. Fighting over nothing.
stitch:
o gosh. you're so right. sighs. it's so ridiculous, just laughing bout it isn't enough. tk blh angz. (cannot tke it) abeh kite (then we) tried to mke it work, but they didn't want respond! they didn't even wana meet up to deal w it th right way. they preferred to simply end it once & for all? wht de bleargh...hey mayb i shld talk w my ustazah bout it. o ya! been meaning to tell you...(..irrelevants..)
as it turned out, i didn't get around to discussing with ustazah..
didn't get th chance. hhaaa..!!
i just really find it stupid. this issue.
why did we end up apart in th end? well, not exactly all of us; but it's not as if we'd always wanted to go part-ways once we graduated. - or had some of us actually felt tht way?
& it has become as though we were nothing, ever.
why didn't small reply my smses?
is it b'cos she's mad at me? thinking "wht th heck does she think she's doing, sms-ing me like tht nw?"?
well, i'd hv a qn to ask back then.
"wht's th pt of sending me, or us for tht matter, her new no. if she's not gona converse w us?"
is she not replying me b'cos mikio didn't reply her?
tht wld be silly/lame/ridiculous. pick one you prefer most.
is she not replying b'cos she doesn't know wht to say?
i couldn't quite believe tht if it were th case.
or wht? wht reason?
no reason?
no way.
well. like i mentioned in my smses, i'm not expecting us all to miracly become th way we were before, but i just wish tht people would stop misunderstanding th situation. whoever is misunderstanding whomever.
i never meant tht we had to become apart when i said "let things be".
small must've made her own assumptions frm my words.
i recall discovering, small 'scolded' mikio for randomly contacting her; like, she was wondering why mikio was contacting her... said to mikio, like, "you didn't know? blur nye kau. ((you're so blur.))"
--- just b'cos of wht i said? - no - just b'cos of wht she thought i meant?
whn i said let things be, i didn't mean tht small shall stick only w sheil, & just stay away frm mikio&me completely.
like, wth?
i only meant to let things be th way it was, between sheil&mikio — was tht so easy to miscomprehend?
i meant to let things be & hope for things to get better, & just wait awhile, give it some time, & see wht comes nxt. & meanwhile, don't mind th atmosphere between sheil&mikio, tht it doesn't really have to affect th friendship among th rest of us.
i never meant tht we had to be separated into small&sheil and mikio&me.
how could small hv gotten tht idea frm me? did she seriously think i was so mean as to despise her to keep in touch w us while still keeping in touch w sheil? we had no problem w small hanging out w sheil - for goodness sake.
we didn't even hv a problem if she were to suggest all of us hanging out; it wld just feel difrnt - but then wld sheil hv been th least intrstd/willing in th 1st place, for real?
& i don't get why neither small nor sheil showed any interest to meet up as in th four of us, so we could talk things out & deal w things more rationally. tell me, was mikio&i wrong to give up on asking to meet? i mean, wht's with th lack of response/lack of interest in responses frm small&sheil regarding meeting back then? despite small having expressed her emotions with wht was going on.
i cn't help recalling getting 'excuses' frm sheil, as though she had no interest to meet. i mean, wht's with giving reasons for not being able to make it on this day or at this time? or rather, she totally didn't seem to bother making any effort to make time, or simply let us know a specific time or place, where she could meet us all if she was tht busy as compared to th rest of us.
anybody could only derive tht she was not intrsted to deal with it, face-to-face.
& i don't recall small being so intrsted herself.
otherwise, why did i seem to have to text people so often just to arrange to meet?
& eventually i stopped bothering.
shld i hv insisted until we eventually met? no matter how many days/weeks/months it might hv taken me?
but tht's not how it shld work out!
& now, like mikio said, i really don't see wht th commotion was all about.
we really didn't have to lose touch with one another.
for what?
seriously - for what ???
i don't even get why sheil had to keep things from mikio th whooolllleeeee tiiiimmmeee...!!!
she shld know mikio better - instead of thinking tht mikio might blow up!
if only she had laid things clearly on th table frm th 1st moment - things wldn't hv to be this way.
you might think mikio shld've approached sheil after finding out about things - but why? doushite??
just b'cos it's sheil?
as much as small might describe sheil as naturally blur & whtsoever, i still don't believe so. i verily don't believe tht of sheil.
she's reserved, no doubt.
but she's not dumb; dumb, she is not.
so whtever she did, or did not do, it was out of her own free will.
& right now, with how things 're among us..
is tht wht small&sheil really want?
have we lost touch for too long to be able to reconcile?
do any of us still bear hard feelings when reading all these & recalling 'bout us?
or have all of us really let things go? & with no hard feelings too?
i need to know where we stand.
it's fine if we cn't be like we were before.
tht wldn't be able to be helped. it's probly too much to hope for, anyway.
but,
just for goodness sake,
we shldn't contain any feelings of resentment or anything like tht.
if things 're not clear enough among us, why do we not meet?
b'cos people don't care anymore? just tht?
& come ooonnnn.... it's RAMADHAN!!
wldn't it be great if we all took this opportunity to reconcile & tighten th ties among us as fellow muslimah's.. raya's coming some more.
hmmm..
i'm sorry if i hadn't been sensitive enough in my words, in any way, at any point in time. i'm sorry if i wasn't exactly so great in handling th situation back then. but after so long now, things shldn't be so bad right?
right?
4:14 pm and hani went off; embarrassed .
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