Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar...
only He knows wht mother is going through right now.. the amount of crazy pain she's enduring.. *sigh.. dear God, i truly cannot understand why mother must keep suffering these pain whn i'm the one who truly deserve it. (Engkaulah Yang Maha Tahu...)
i pity mother.. i mean, recently she just keeps having these headaches, nauseousness, 'n I'M the one eating most of the junk foods! it cn't b the food tht she consumes tht is the matter... i mean she only eats, wht, rice? fish? veggy!? fruits!!?
mayb it's age, but... daddey is definitly older, 'n he's not exactly going through the same thing..
my point is, i don't get wht exactly is the cause for her illness.
each time she gets these headaches, i'd massage her head [obviously] 'n thn she'd start releasing all these so-called "bad" wind through burping; over 'n over again.
'n it's not the fanciest thing to be doing whn you'r alredy feeling nauseous.
it's a lucky thing i tke after her 'n her late mother; tht i have the ability to figur out myself which areas i must massage, 'n thn actually ease the pain;
unlike som pp who just cn't really do it right, either due to reluctance or.....GREAT reluctance maybe?
i'm just glad i'm not another hopeless child (in tht sense), 'cause if i 'm, i don't kno how mother wld'v ended up by now. i shudder just thinking 'bout it.
whn i was massaging mother just now, i cldn't stop praying 'n praying to God to keep giving mother as much strength to hold the pain.. it was scary arh, just listening to her moaning in pain..
Ya Allah, Engkaulah yang Maha Besar.. berikanlah ibuku kekuatan untuk menahan kesakitannya.. kasihanilah ibuku.. sesungguhnya Engkaulah Maha Pengasih, lagi Maha Penyayang.. engkaulah Maha Segala-galanya.... aku memohon kepadaMu, oh Tuhan.. kurniakanlah ibuku dengan rahmatmu.. hanya dengan kuasaMu dan keizinanMu akan dapat ibuku menjadi sihat...
i'm just worried.. scared.. cld only keep praying tht mother's condition doesn't get any worse.. like it had once before, whn i'd felt extremely hopeless... Ya Allah, please, i beg you to not let tht happen to her again.. i promise i will always tke care of her well-being, of her feelings.. dear God i promise !!! just please ease away her pain dear God !!
i also pray tht You wil giv me the strength to stay focused in preparing for nxt wk's papers.. 'n to not be led astray ending up doing other unproductive things insted.......
Amin.
i love you, Ya Allah.
12:43 am and hani went off; embarrassed .
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